What Report Is Influencing Your Life?

(FreeImages.com/AnitaLevesque)

We talk so often about the Promised Land, but as I wrote about it this morning, it struck me. Isn’t Jesus our Promised Land? Isn’t He really the promises for our future and our hope?

Why is it sometimes so difficult to enter into intimacy with God — to really hear His voice, to forget about everyone and everything else but just to simply know Him?

Are the things that keep us from knowing Him and entering into that depth of intimacy with Him, the “giants” that so often overwhelm us?

In the Bible, there is a record when Moses sent 12 men to spy out the “Promised Land” before the Israelites would go in and take possession of the land that God had promised to them.

Of those 12 men, ten came back with reports of the size of the giants. In fact, the Bible said, “That they became as grasshoppers…” This was not the actual size difference. This was the perception that the ten men had when they allowed their fear to rule their minds.

Two of the men, Joshua and Caleb, came back with good reports. Their reports were about the fertility and prosperity of the land.

It’s amazing how people can view the same circumstances so differently, depending on their outlook and depending on the report to which they listen!

Those who listened to the fearful report never got to see the Promised Land. Their report came “true” in their lives. They lived in fear, wandering, and experienced perpetual loss. They died, never experiencing the Promised Land.

Those who listened to the hopeful report lived beyond everyone else in their generation and were able to see and experience the Promised Land.

The Bible says that there is life and death in the power of the tongue.
There are many reports floating through cyberspace and filling our airwaves. The question is though, “What is your source of truth?” Who ultimately rules your life?

Are you listening to the media, to Facebook, to YouTube, to Instagram? Are you listening to political parties or movements?

As a Christian, I would encourage you to turn off your TV, turn off the internet, and open your Bible. Listen to worship music. Go deep into His Presence, allowing yourself to be “stilled” and to know that He is God. Let His peace overwhelm your soul in a good way.

What are you allowing to speak into your life and to influence it?
Are you allowing the “giants” of your circumstances or raging voices of those around you to influence you? Are those “giants” keeping you from entering into the fullness that you are promised in Christ Jesus?

As Believers, Jesus is our “Promised Land.” He is the fullness of joy, peace, love, hope, and life. He is your inheritance!

An Army Arising

(FreeImages.com/MatthiasGelinski)

The night is dark. Into the stillness of the night, figures emerge. They emerge from basement steps, from closets, from attic rooms, from bed chambers — present but unseen.

A flash of light illuminates them.

Light beams reflect off the swords and shields of an army of soldiers.

This is an army of prayer warriors, merging out of the inner chambers where God has been teaching them how to listen and how to hear His heart.

These are warriors unleashed and ready to battle.

Their battle is not with physical forces. Their battle is with forces unseen.

The weapons of their warfare are not to draw physical blood nor to engage in contests of physical strength, endurance, or swordsmanship.

Their greatest battle is to see the unseen enemy and to fight his lies within themselves and others.

Their enemy uses sabotage, intimidation, deception, mind-games, their own fleshly weaknesses, false names, past hurts and wounds, false identities, shame, unforgiveness, offenses, and their own strengths to try to defeat them.

He tries to separate the soldiers from each other. He spreads malicious rumors. He incites fear because fear will always produce division, speculation, self-protection, anger, control, shame, and betrayal.

He whispers vile lies, connecting past hurts and sins with wrong identities to shame them into submission.

He uses false soldiers to spread false commands to bring confusion to their ranks.

He tempts them with illusions of success and god-likeness through their own abilities.

He causes betrayal between parents and children, pastors and congregations, and friends among friends to cause them to distrust one another, imagining the worst and trusting no one fully but themselves.

He makes them completely dependent on systems but not on God.

Yet, these soldiers have been learning how to be victorious over every tactic of the enemy. They have learned victory within the inner chambers of their prayer rooms.

They have learned how to warrior in prayer — not by shouting words at their Commander but by learning the heart of the One Who leads them. It has come through personal relationship with this One, learning to recognize His voice, learning to trust His voice, learning to obey His voice, and learning to receive His love.

These are not just soldiers on a battlefield. These are friends — beloved friends — of the One they follow.

This mysterious One is none other than their Heavenly Father. They implicitly obey Him — not because they fear Him but because they love Him!

They know that He is for them. They know that He has planned only good things for them. They know that He is fiercely protective of them. They know that they are beloved, chosen, pursued, cherished, and redeemed.

They are not just soldiers. They are most of all sons and daughters — beloved sons and daughters.

Each piece of their armor comes with a special power from their Heavenly Father because each part is something that comes from Who He is.

It is His righteousness that protects their hearts. It is His truth that protects the other pieces of their armor and keeps them from slipping. It’s His peace that prepares their steps. It’s His salvation that protects their thinking. It’s His faithfulness that is their front line of defense. It is His Word that is their weapon of offense.

It is their prayers in the Spirit that is a bugle cry for heaven’s powers to be released on earth.

These are warriors that topple a kingdom of lies and generational iniquities.

They do it through worship, through sounding the bugles as watchman, through interceding on the behalf of others, and through defeating wickedness in spiritual realms.

These are the warriors who make possible the toppling of earthly kingdoms and wicked rulers. These are the warriors who send the demons of disease fleeing. These are the warriors who cast off intimidation and deception, along with their companions: fear, shame, bondage, vices, addictions, death, and hatred.

These are the warriors who see the true enemies: demons and who rescue every human victim.

These are prayer intercessors!

Today, God is raising up a new generation of prayer warriors who will worship, sound bugles upon the walls, spend time listening to their Heavenly Father’s heart, and who will not rest until victory is manifested within their own “realms of influence” and calling.

Prayer intercessors, this is your season. Feel the weight of authority and responsibility that is your inheritance as beloved sons and daughters.

It is time to hear and declare the Father’s heart and will here on Earth!

A Vision Of An Ocean…

(FreeImages.com/L.M.)

This past week, I have felt burn out, exhausted, depleted…

Perhaps, I am the only one, but somehow I doubt that.  My guess is that many of you, my friends, are feeling the same way.

I have been feeling this call to enter into rest and this sense of God shifting things in my life, preparing me for something.  This morning, I felt a familiar fear rise up — a fear of suffering.

I recognized the god whose feet I have sat at so many times — the god of comfort, ease, and the familiar.

I began to quietly call out to God and to turn to Him.  It was then I saw a “vision” or “picture.”  A “picture” might be a more acceptable term for most.

This is what I saw and sensed…

I saw myself “blown” to the ocean.  I stood on the shore, where the waves break.

There’s a mist enshrouding the shore, the horizon, and myself in a soothing blanket of peace.  I am the only human in this place of quiet grays and whites.  Feeling a gentle wind and the smooth, cool sand beneath my feet, wet from a recent wave…  Feeling refreshed, sensing peace, and the calmness of the ocean.

I look down, seeing seashells and reach down to toss one back into the waves.  The thought immediately comes to my mind that my life feels like a seashell that comes on shore for a short season, leaving an impression in the sand before the next wave washes it away.

My fear of being insignificant stares me in the face.  I want to be more than the seashell that leaves a temporary impression.

In the quietness, He speaks to my heart. I feel His gentle authority as He shows me that I have been focused on the temporal life because that’s the broken perspective — the perspective that sin brought in the Garden of Eden.  He reminds me that eternity has always been in my heart and that I was created for eternity.

When looking at the temporal life from eternity’s perspective, I suddenly see that the temporal is like a wave, but eternity is like the ocean.

“But what is one seashell in the middle of an ocean?” I ask.  I sense His response:  “The seashell was made to be carried in the embrace of the ocean of His love.” Human admiration is like a wave.  It comes and goes out to sea, tossing a little seashell about and convincing it that it was made merely to be seen and picked up on a seashore to be collected and admired.

I sense Him speak to me again: “You were not made for the praise of mere mortals.  You were made for the crescendo of Heaven.”

“You have felt tossed about by the waves because you have stayed upon the shore, seeking the adulation of the shore and the temporary excitement of each new wave.”

“I have not called you to live where the wave crashes, feeling my love reaching your toes and swelling to your calves at times.”

“I have called you to step into the depths because the depths you fear are actually the ocean of my love.  Why do you fear the ocean of my love?”

“Because to experience it, you must let go of trusting yourself.  You must let go of the false things you think keep you safe.  You are afraid to trust me fully and thus keep yourself from fully being embraced by my love.”

“What you are trading is your fear for my love.”

“Trusting me is to actually be embraced by my love — not my abandonment or your suffering.”

I weep, knowing that what He speaks is truth.  …recognizing how the lies have twisted my perspective so that I have accepted the broken instead of His love that heals me.  I have feared the wrong thing and sought comfort in the wrong things.

There is a pause almost… infinite stillness.  I sense He is letting me process through the truth of what He just spoke.  There is no urgency, no push to make a choice.  There is simply the calmness of a waiting breath — the empty space for me to listen and respond.

I find myself looking at the shore again, but it seems further away, still enshrouded in mist.  I am still standing in the space between the shore and the actual ocean — caught between two worlds — not feeling that I fully belong to either.

The shore is what I have always known, but it is no longer as appealing.  I feel my heart longing for the ocean, and I suddenly see myself with strong strokes swimming in the ocean.  Where I am going, I don’t know, but the purpose does not appear to be the destination.  The purpose of my swim seems to be the fearless courage to swim where I have never swam before and to swim as I have never done before.

It’s almost like diving into the ocean actually caused me to swim.  The ocean of His love became the reason for the strength of my strokes.

I am swimming not to survive but because I am fully confident that I can swim now.  I have never known such freedom.  I, who have sat on the shore, watching other swimmers and fearing the power of the waves can now swim.  I am fearless in the ocean — the ocean of His love.

In this ocean, there are no sharks or stinging jelly-fish.  I am free to swim.

I am still swimming with strong, sure strokes, amazed as I test my strokes.  I am shocked by the ease that my arms cut through the water with each stroke.  I swim not for any other reason than the wonder and exhilaration of being free.

I have never felt so free!

The ocean is no longer shrouded in grays and muted whites.  It is now a beautiful sapphire blue.  I am surrounded by light.  Joy is all around and in my heart.  I have become a reflection of what surrounds me.  There is joy on this side of healing.

I have no other goal than to simply be — to be the full expression of who I was created to be, dwelling within the fullness of His love.

I see myself swimming, and the thought enters my mind: “What happens when I grow tired of swimming?”

“Then float,” comes the answer across the ocean.

So often, when I become weary or fear the end of my strength, I swim to shore and climb out.  I become convinced that the ocean is too big of a risk.  I forget that I only learned to swim and was capable of swimming in the ocean of His love.  I forget that I am not the source of my strength. I am merely the conduit of His strength.

It is my fear of failing that causes me to quit, to step out, and I leave aching and empty — caught between the shore and the ocean.

I feel the ocean beckon to me again. I want to feel the freedom and strength, flowing through me.  … the ridiculous joy!

I hear His quiet voice let me know that the ocean is there, waiting for me… when I am ready again.

Then, when I fear His disapproval because I left the ocean for the space between, I look up and see Him walking towards me.  He reaches out His hands, and I take them.  He clasps me to Himself, and I weep in His arms.  I weep for the fear that so often has held me back.  I weep for the loss that my own fears have brought me.  I weep because I didn’t trust Him more.  I weep because in His arms, all is comforted and calmed.

I am not alone.

The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

How Once We Trace The Trail Of One Lie, We Begin To See How It Is Connected To More Lies…

(FreeImages.com/S. Schleicher)

This morning, I wrote a blog post about healing that still needed to be done in my life.

Apparently, there was even more healing for today because God revealed more to me since even this morning’s healing.

It’s interesting how as you unearth one lie, you find a trail to another lie.  I have learned to not fear the discovery though because it’s a discovery that leads me to freedom.  

How do I know it’s freedom?  Because I have known the choking hold of pain, fear, anger, bitterness, and bondage.  I know the difference of freedom because it tastes like a peace and joy that cannot be humanly-manufactured.  It has nothing to do with the latest gadget or short-lived joy over a new purchase or experience.  It has everything to do with relief.

The thread of lies unraveled to the latest one.  The lie was at the root of the fear of risk.

Just this past Monday, I heard clearly from God that I had a fear of risk.  I saw that I didn’t see myself as a pioneer or inventor.  Yet, in my heart there was a desire to be fearless and to leave the legacy that all pioneers and inventors leave.

God showed me that this desire to leave a lasting legacy was a good thing.  It was eternity in my heart.

The question though I had to ask was, “What is at the root of this fear of risk?  Why do I fear risk so much?”

I know the trail of lies will lead me to unearth more, but what God just showed me was the idol I had made out of “me time.”  Let me explain before this is misunderstood.

Of course, I am not saying we can’t have “me time” and that it’s bad in itself.  What was not healthy was the idol that I had made out of it.  The reason?

Because during that season of pain and darkness that I spoke of in my earlier blog post today, I had almost no “me time.”  I was overwhelmed.  So, the lie I began to build in my heart was that I had to protect “me time” at all costs, just in case… to make sure that I would never return to that state again.  Even if I was doing well, I was guarding my time like I was Gollum in “Lord of the Rings.”  I didn’t trust.  If I felt that anyone was threatening “my time,” I became defensive, annoyed, irritated — even to those that I love the most.

God began to show me that He was the protector of my soul: mind, will, and emotions.  Today, I prayed to release this idol to God.  I began to see how many ways that He restores my soul, and that I don’t need to fight for it.  I can just embrace how He embraces me.

Time to refresh can be necessary and good, and I don’t feel guilty to take time to refresh.  The lesson here though was that I don’t need to fight for it or to make an idol of it.  I don’t need to fear that someone else’s need will cause me to lose myself.  I don’t need to fear needs or messes.  I don’t need to fear the crowds, representing all the needs.

I just need to keep centered in the love of God and simply rest in Him.  If I am full of His love, it will naturally flow to others, but I will never run dry when I am constantly under the “faucet of His love.”

How Pain So Often Blinds Us To The Truth

(FreeImages.com/Sergio Roberto Bichara)

Yesterday while standing in my kitchen, I had that moment of unexpected revelation.  It was regarding a season that started almost 14 years ago now.

The season I was recalling lasted for at least seven years, though it varied in intensity at times.  It was a season of life that I would always call, “…a time of great pain and even darkness.”

There were times during that season that I felt I was suffocating — completely overwhelmed — though keeping a smile on my face at most times.

I remember the times though of feeling like I was screaming on the inside.

I remember asking God the question, “Where are you?”  I felt abandoned and left to myself to fend for myself — to hold it all together.  Yet, I knew that I was merely a thread away from losing it all together.

I remember the guilt too.  Afterall, I was a Christian, and “Christians are supposed to have it all together, right?”

Without spending too much time rehashing the old pain, I have always referred to that time as a time of darkness and pain.  Even the house in which I lived was dark and depressing in the winter and hot and suffocating in the summer.

Then entered the season that started seven years ago when God began to do a deep healing in my life (and continues to do so).

It took awhile to get there, but I remember when I finally had the courage to ask God where He was when I felt all alone.

I didn’t ask Him the question for awhile because I was too angry and even more so, too afraid of His answer.

I remember how when I finally asked, His answer came and began to heal so many splintered pieces of my heart.  Immediately after asking Him the question, the verse came flooding into my heart, “As a mother comforts her child so I will comfort you.”  He then showed me a picture of me sitting on a rocking chair holding my babies, but instead of it just being me and my babies, I saw that He was rocking us all.

Years passed, and I thought that I was completely healed from that painful season until yesterday…

Yesterday while standing in my kitchen, God suddenly spoke to my heart with such simplicity but profound clarity.  He told me that I was still afraid of that dark and painful season.

I was afraid of being overwhelmed like the past — of sometime, somehow feeling that same terror: of feeling all alone and completely incapable.  I was afraid of abandonment and failure.  Fear.  It was the biting jaws of fear still nipping at my heels that I feared.

The fear of the past indicated that there was still a string attached to my past and therefore, I could not completely walk free.

As soon as I recognized my fear, I cried out to God.  His response was spoken with such gentle authority.  He reminded me that I am not the same person.

Part of the pain of that season was because I did not know who I was.  I did not truly know Who He is.  Part of the pain was because of my wrong identities and the pressure I put on myself because of what I did not understand.

God then spoke healing words over me, letting me know that I will not go through that season again because I am not the same person.  

This morning, God then opened my eyes to even more truth, which ushered in more healing.

I had been comforted by the picture and words that Jesus was with me, but I remember struggling with why there were not tangible proofs of His presence with me during that season.

This morning, the memories came rushing in, and suddenly I was confronted with the tangible reminders of how God had helped me.  Because of those tangible ways, I never did lose it all together.

Suddenly this morning, my heart was flooded with gratefulness and even repentance for how I had been blinded to God’s provision.

I began to remember Miss Shirley who would find nice things in others trash and would wash and clean it up for my family: the brand-new coat and scarf that all my boys would wear, the brand-new shoes, the clothes for Jonathan and I, the household items and food…

I remembered Jean B. who bought two beautiful outfits for my third little boy.  I remember the beautiful outfit she bought my oldest so that he matched even her own grandson.  I remembered her love and acceptance and how she even watched our kids on occasion for doctor appointments.

I remembered Sean’s grandmother who bought Christmas gifts for our little boys.

I remembered Jessica who bought beautiful outfits for my second-born and who bought Christmas gifts for our boys at least one year.

I remembered Michelle who passed on clothes and shoes to me and who didn’t need to but exchanged babysitting with us so my husband and I could go on free dates.  I remember her friendship during a lonely time.

I remembered Danielle who came straight to my house after long days of teaching to watch my kids for half an hour so I could fix our house and pack to move.  She did this for several weeks even though she had three littles of her own.  That half hour was my sanity hour, and I felt that someone cared.

I remembered Tracy who thought I was an amazing mother and how her belief in me somehow comforted me even though I felt unworthy of it.

I remembered my mom who helped as much as she could though we lived a distance from each other for a portion of that dark season.

My heart began to overflow as I suddenly saw how God had been there all along.  The pain in my heart had allowed lies to enter, and as a result, I was blinded to the truth all along.

The truth is that I was a good mommy, though hurting and broken.  The truth is that God had brought people all along to help — people who offered just the hand we needed at the moment we needed it to keep me from completely breaking.

The truth is my belief in God was not anchored in a fairy tale.  The truth is my belief in God was right all along.  He hadn’t let me down.

It was my fears and the lies that had let me down.

God then began to show me that even my precious children were a constant reminder of the truth.  My oldest son’s name means protector.  Every time, I looked into his face, I was to be reminded that God is my protector.

My child that came at a season when I felt weak and insufficient has a name that means “strength.”  He was a reminder that God will send strength to me in my time of need.

My child that came in a season of great pain and darkness to me has a name that means “light-bringer and healer.”  God was reminding me that He had sent light and healing into my darkness and pain.

My child that came towards the tail end of that dark season has a name that means peace, fellowship, and grace.  God was telling me that the peace I craved, the fellowship that I was missing, and the grace that I didn’t understand because it was a mere theory to me was something that He was getting ready to explode within in my life.

A new season of healing was ushered into my life about the same time as the conception and then birth of my final child. His name means “Strong man of God.”  He is named after the one who proclaimed that God had come as “Immanuel” — that God had come to dwell among us.  It was that season where I finally understood the love of God and encountered His love personally in such a way that I am completely changed, even today. 

God indeed is my God, and He indeed dwells with me in love and fellowship… in peace and grace… in strength… in light… with healing… and I am who I am because He is Who He is.

Hard To Love…

(FreeImages.com/BobSmith)

I was grumbling in my bathroom today that some people are so difficult to love.  I immediately heard the Lord speak back to my heart: “Love isn’t about you.”

Talk about a readjusted perspective!

It can be very difficult to love some people.  Love though isn’t about the person doing the loving (us).  Love is about the person we are loving.  

If “love” is about us, it’s not love.  It’s selfishness.

Ouch!

Agape love is the purest and most authentic form of love because it doesn’t expect anything in return.  It’s not given based on the recipient’s worthiness or likability.  It can’t be limited or withheld based on an infraction.

Love just pours itself out without any thought of itself.  Love is never about self.  Love is about the other person.

The following passage in Scripture reaffirms that love is the strongest character quality and emotion of all:

1 Corinthians 13

13 If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I was thinking that fear is a very strong emotion, but notice how love is more powerful than fear.  Love is truly the “trump card.”

1 John 4:18

¹⁸ There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Fear Versus Love

(FreeImages.com/BobSmith)

Struggling with fear?

How do you live fearlessly in a world that has hidden dangers, agendas, and impending hurts?

What’s wrong with protecting oneself? 

How do you love fearlessly in a dangerous and abusive world?

How do you trust when it may mean being hurt again?

Trust is essential to any good relationship, but doesn’t it make sense to hold back and keep your “best cards” hidden?

Sound familiar?

Want to know what the answer to fear is?

It’s living loved.

That simple.

How do we live loved though if we don’t believe we are loved fully?

How do we offer what we don’t have or haven’t received (accepted/believed)?

There are some very clear differences between love and fear:

Fear walls against, locks out, controls, tries to predict, measures, withholds, imprisons, incapacitates…

Love empowers, gives freedom, enables, expands, gives generously, is limitless, hopes, receives, believes…

Fear is the scarcity mentality.  It is a prisoner to the past and a prisoner to the unknown and what-ifs.  It fears and expects the worst, instead of believing the best.

Fear holds any new relationship prisoner and answerable to the wounds of the past. The present and future are never released from the wounds of the past.

Fear says that my future is only preserved by hoarding my present.

Fear refuses to be vulnerable and transparent.

Love though is the abundance mentality.  It overflows.  It releases the present and future from the wounds of the past.

Each new relationship is received with the openness that comes from freedom from the past and a hope for the future. 

Love focuses on others rather than protecting self.

Love is able to be vulnerable because to be loved is to be secure.  When there is true security, there is no fear of vulnerability.

Love is an expanding force.  It expands our borders, expands our abilities, expands our hopes, expands our giving and our receiving…

The relevance to understanding the difference between love and fear as it applies to my life and to your life is this:

I.  Fear is rooted completely in self.  It is completely self-centered and as a result imprisoning.  It holds you, your circumstances, your dreams, your life purpose, and your loved ones prisoner to what hurt or scared you in the past and what might hurt or scare you again in the future.

You will never grow, expand, or be “all in” for God so long as you are a prisoner of your past.

II. Love is bigger than self and expands me beyond myself, my fears, my borders, my experiences, my past.

In order to live fearlessly, you must learn to live fully loved.

As I was contemplating this, I immediately thought of the verse:

1 John 4:18

¹⁸ There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

A Religious Spirit

(FreeImages.com/KatherineEvans)

The Religious Spirit…

But first my story…

I grew up in a loving, Christian home.  I read my Bible, attended Sunday School and church services whenever the doors were open, prayed, studied the Bible…  I attended a Bible college, got involved in mission work, did everything I could to honor and pursue the Lord.  My heart was to please the Lord.  All good, right?

As the years passed, I began to realize that my life consisted a lot in doing.  The Christian life had become a struggle — a struggle to do and trying to be by doing.

“…trying to be by doing.”

I felt more like an onlooker rather than a participant in the realities of the love and power in the “Kingdom” of God.

“…felt more like an onlooker rather than a participant…”

I remember crying out to God for Him to increase my love — to return me to my “first love.”

I knew all of the right things (for the most part), did all of the right things (for the most part), but inwardly, I knew that something was lacking.

God began to reveal to me that I was trying to relate to Him intellectually and through self-righteousness.

Relating to God on an intellectual basis is very easy to do!  It’s especially easy if we are more analytical in our approach, more fear-based, only allow what we can understand into our lives, prefer security, prefer predictability, avoid vulnerability, etc…

I am going to step out on a limb here and say that a religious spirit summarizes this pursuit of God by doing.

The religious spirit is a struggle to be enough by doing enough.

It is looking to self and relying on my own actions to measure my worthiness and His approval of me.  It is all self-focused.

Intellectualism ties into the religious spirit because it is trying to convince myself, God, and others that I am worthy, spiritual, and have a relationship with God, based on what I know about Him.

I am very thankful for all that I did and still do in my life to seek God and to learn more about Him, but what I was lacking before was knowing Him intimately instead of as an onlooker. 

Note: I was a Christian at this point.  I was pursuing God and loved Him to the best of what I knew as love.  The point is, my love wasn’t very great because I didn’t understand and hadn’t received the fullness of His love for me.

I wasn’t experiencing the full reality of God because I didn’t fully understand His love for me. 

I still don’t.  It will take me a life-time and an eternity to comprehend the vastness of His love for me because it is infinite — without limits.

What happens though when we have a religious spirit is we truly don’t comprehend that His love is not based on us/me.  It’s not given in measures, based on how I perform or don’t perform.

His love for me has nothing to do with how I perform, how I pray, how I worship, how much I know about Him, how much I serve Him.

His love has everything to do with Him!

We define love by our own experiences or the lack thereof.  We think that God’s love is like what we have experienced and how we operate: given to those who like us or treat us well or that we like for some reason.  This is why we so easily “fall in and out of love.”  It’s really not love out all.  It’s self-gratification.

Within us all is this longing to be loved like what God offers: unconditional, infinite, lavish.

We want someone to love us — I mean really love us.  We want someone to know everything about us: all the good, bad, and ugly — and to love us anyway.

We are tired of trying to be enough by doing enough.  We are tired of trying to earn love.  What an agonizing struggle!  What a sure way to suffer defeat, discouragement, shame, and guilt!

Does that mean there are no actions to our love?

Absolutely not!  Authentic love will flow out into actions.  It always is seeking to serve, to minister, to heal, to help, to release, to free…

The difference though is the root/heart motivation.

Is what we do motivated by trying to “please God” by doing?  What we really mean by this is: “We don’t believe God is pleased with the way we are — that we are enough or loved the way we are — so we are trying to earn His love.”

This doesn’t mean change won’t occur. In fact, real change — real life transformation — occurs when we begin to live from the flow of His love for us and allow it to change the entire reason for the way we live. 

Living for God no longer becomes about earning or doing enough to be enough.  It becomes about surrendering to Him with full trust because we know He is good because of the reality of His love for us.

People can preach, teach, and tell you a lot about God’s love.   You can preach, teach, and define God’s love, but until you have experienced the depths of His love personally, you will always be an onlooker to the realities of the wonder of God and His love for you!!!

As I blogged awhile ago now, Job learned the reality of God in the middle of His sufferings.  He was a righteous and faithful man before his sufferings and honored by God, but as he states later in the chapter, it was through his sufferings he experienced the reality of God.  His understanding of God was no longer intellectual and from an onlooker’s perspective.  He now had a “front-line,” reality of it!

Job 42:5

⁵ “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
But now my eye sees You.

What is your reality today?

What is your motivation for living and for what you are pursuing?

Do you really comprehend that God loves you completely just. the. way. you. are?

Do you understand that He wants you for your sake?

Do you understand that His love isn’t constraining or confining?  It sets your soul and spirit free to truly soar!

Do you understand that God isn’t interested in what you know about Him?  He is interested in you knowing Him.

God doesn’t want you to be a spectator to the realities of His love for you.  He wants you to be “reveling” in its bounty, wonder, and overflowing abundance!

My Former Life In A Nutshell…

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/growing-up-gothard

I am going to link to this guy’s blog post because it summarizes in a nutshell what it was like growing up under the influence of ATI (Advanced Training Institute/Bill Gothard program).

I love how this guy describes his home as a loving home!  Mine was too, and I love my parents!!  They did a lot of good, but we were raised within the ATI culture.  This guy’s article explains a lot of the issues I have with the philosophies of the ATI movement/teachings.

This guy is right on when he explains about the constant pressure to be perfect.  I remember that so well and my twisted view of God, as a result.

I didn’t want to get close to a God who seemed to be always waiting for my next moment of sin/failure and who seemed like He only punished with no full restoration or hope of redemption in sight.  It was taught that consequences were God’s judgment on us; there was no concept of redemption for even our consequences.

It was definitely a place of much fear!  Parents wanted to raise their kids to turn out godly.  So in fear, they pulled them from the world, even from among other Christians, sometimes family members, and society.  They thought that by secluding them, they could produce a more godly generation.

As I wrote in a previous blog post, the issue with this is, they forget that there is evil within not just without.  The heart is what matters!

They also lived from fear.  What they didn’t realize is that reacting to our fears will not lead us into freedom but just into another form of bondage.

We never want to raise our children from a position of fear but from God’s leading.  The safest place to be is always within the center of God’s will.

An interview with a former ATI student that really explains what it was like growing up Gothard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WQy4LGUQRg.

 

What We Fear Reveals Truth About Ourselves

(FreeImages.com/Tatyana Khramtsova)

As I was studying God’s Word today, spending time in prayer, and journaling what God was teaching me, God began once again to convict me and to show me some truths concerning a present battle I am facing.

I am facing the battle of fear concerning a particular situation.  Without relaying more details, let’s just say that this situation has been discouraging.  In fact, in referring to the situation, I have used hopeless terms to describe it.

This morning, God began to speak to me concerning this battle.  He began to reveal to me that the battle I am called to fight requires a long-term commitment and perseverance.  It’s not a battle that is going to be won with a few “skirmishes.”  Another way of putting it is that it’s not a “sprint” that I am called to run but a “marathon.”

God was reminding me that so often when God’s timing differs from mine, I begin to look to others, try to “help” God out by “fixing” the problem by my own methods or means, or begin to accept failure and mentally “check” the situation off as being a losing one and then try to find something else that appears to possibly be more successful.

God was speaking to my heart that the reason why I am not having victory is because I have written “failure” across the situation.  I have assumed the battle is lost or losing so I begin to “back pedal,” compromising my belief in God and His promises and as a result, compromising my actions.  Before long, what I fear comes to pass.

I believe God was prompting me to look at the significance of what I fear.

The question is, “What are we fearing today?”

What you and I fear will reveal the true condition of our heart and beliefs.  They will also be a good indicator of where we are headed.

If our faith in God is solid, we will be able to see past the temporary discouraging distractions of our present situations to the eternal or “bigger picture” of God’s purposes and plans.

Faith is the “key” that unlocks our “spiritual eyes.” 

We can know the truth, but until we believe/embrace it, we’ll never recognize or experience the reality of it personally.

Our relationship with God consists not in what we know about God but in Who He is to us.  What is He to you?

You may say and know that God is gracious, just, righteous, compassionate, etc…, but is He your grace, your righteousness, your compassion today?

Who is He to you?