This morning, I wrote a blog post about healing that still needed to be done in my life.
Apparently, there was even more healing for today because God revealed more to me since even this morning’s healing.
It’s interesting how as you unearth one lie, you find a trail to another lie. I have learned to not fear the discovery though because it’s a discovery that leads me to freedom.
How do I know it’s freedom? Because I have known the choking hold of pain, fear, anger, bitterness, and bondage. I know the difference of freedom because it tastes like a peace and joy that cannot be humanly-manufactured. It has nothing to do with the latest gadget or short-lived joy over a new purchase or experience. It has everything to do with relief.
The thread of lies unraveled to the latest one. The lie was at the root of the fear of risk.
Just this past Monday, I heard clearly from God that I had a fear of risk. I saw that I didn’t see myself as a pioneer or inventor. Yet, in my heart there was a desire to be fearless and to leave the legacy that all pioneers and inventors leave.
God showed me that this desire to leave a lasting legacy was a good thing. It was eternity in my heart.
The question though I had to ask was, “What is at the root of this fear of risk? Why do I fear risk so much?”
I know the trail of lies will lead me to unearth more, but what God just showed me was the idol I had made out of “me time.” Let me explain before this is misunderstood.
Of course, I am not saying we can’t have “me time” and that it’s bad in itself. What was not healthy was the idol that I had made out of it. The reason?
Because during that season of pain and darkness that I spoke of in my earlier blog post today, I had almost no “me time.” I was overwhelmed. So, the lie I began to build in my heart was that I had to protect “me time” at all costs, just in case… to make sure that I would never return to that state again. Even if I was doing well, I was guarding my time like I was Gollum in “Lord of the Rings.” I didn’t trust. If I felt that anyone was threatening “my time,” I became defensive, annoyed, irritated — even to those that I love the most.
God began to show me that He was the protector of my soul: mind, will, and emotions. Today, I prayed to release this idol to God. I began to see how many ways that He restores my soul, and that I don’t need to fight for it. I can just embrace how He embraces me.
Time to refresh can be necessary and good, and I don’t feel guilty to take time to refresh. The lesson here though was that I don’t need to fight for it or to make an idol of it. I don’t need to fear that someone else’s need will cause me to lose myself. I don’t need to fear needs or messes. I don’t need to fear the crowds, representing all the needs.
I just need to keep centered in the love of God and simply rest in Him. If I am full of His love, it will naturally flow to others, but I will never run dry when I am constantly under the “faucet of His love.”