Today on Facebook, I saw a man ask the question if it’s starting to become a mania to bring accusations of sex crimes against men.
I think he is concerned that there is a witch hunt against men. Are his concerns unfounded, or is there some merit to them?
Let’s look at the overall picture of what is happening and being said on public forums.
Recently, the public was made aware of sexual crime allegations leveled against high profile people in Hollywood.
To increase the attention and to make it more personal, there was recently an awareness campaign on Facebook that used the two words “Me too.” A lot of women posted that on their Facebook status, and some shared their stories of grief and abuse. For some women, it was the first time that they had acknowledged the wrongs done against them. It became a step towards healing.
I believe that the purpose of the “Me too” campaign was to draw attention to how immense the issue of sexual offenses against women is. Increased awareness is needed and beneficial.
Thanks to increased public awareness and media exposure, the sexual crimes against women are going to have greater accountability. This is a good thing.
Yet, I do hear this guy’s concern. He was a brave soul to mention his fears. He wasn’t saying that bringing evil men to justice is wrong. He was expressing concern that all men, including innocent men, become the targets of revenge. I believe that his concerns are not unfounded.
If you look back at the history of humanity, you see that movements that begin from reaction rarely lead to a positive conclusion. Take the French Revolution and the Bolshevik Revolution as examples. These movements started because there was injustice against certain classes of people. The injustice was absolutely wrong. Yet, what happened is the movements led to a blood-bath where no one was safe. The cry for “justice” became an excuse to accuse anyone against whom you had a personal vendetta or to simply steal the property from an accused individual. Instead of justice and a solution, the movements led to even greater injustice.
Let me clarify that I am all for truth-speaking. Anyone who knows me knows this. I am not afraid to stand and speak up against injustice. I will… to my dying breath. That being said, if I am not careful, my cause becomes not about working towards positive change but about me being right and the other being wrong. My motto becomes more about vindicating myself — actually more taking revenge for myself — than about helping both parties.
It is also true that if I continually focus on what was done against me, I never become more than the victim. What was done against me becomes what defines me. I am re-victimized again.
What I am not saying is that we should ignore evil and abuses. Part of healing does mean that we need to address the wrongs. Justice does need to be meted out to offenders. As ugly as it is sometimes, the truth of an offense needs to be revealed. There is healing for the victims in this and even the abusers in this.
What I am saying is that there is more complexity to the issue of sex-offenses and sexual innuendos, and we need to shoot effectively at the right target.
The reality is if we don’t address the root issues of these offenders and the attitudes and actions that led them to what they became, we will forever be “shadow-boxing” (as a good friend likes to say).
The questions then to ask are the following:
“How did we as a society get to where we are?”
“Is it because all men are bad, and all women are good?”
“Is it because men are just scum-bags?”
As a married woman, I recognize that my husband is made differently and thinks differently. Most men are just wired with a greater sex drive, and they can’t help that. They think about sex all the time. It’s the way their brain, hormones, and physique work. If I don’t understand this, I will try to control and shame them, and that doesn’t help anyone.
A greater sex drive does not give excuse though for becoming a predator and viewing women as objects to fulfill your lusts. That actually dishonors men and women. We are sexual creatures, but we are much more than sexual creatures. We are created with three parts: spirit (spiritual part of us), soul (mind, will, and emotions), and body.
Humans are not just bodies walking around. We are bodies with souls and spirits. To harm a person’s physical body is not just a crime against their bodies, but it’s a crime against their souls and a crime against the spiritual being they were created to be.
Therefore part of the solution is to understand that all three parts of a man and woman need to be helped and nurtured in order for an individual to be healthy. The answer then is to address the spiritual parts and soul parts of that individual in order to bring the individual back into proper balance.
A sex predator is a person who has a huge lack in their spiritual and soul parts to the extent that the only thing that controls them (and imprisons them) is the sexual lusts of the flesh.
If we want to see solutions and true change, then we need to begin to ask the difficult questions. We need to begin to see the parts that are lacking not just in individuals but in our society.
Our society represents what is happening on the individual level.
Do we dare acknowledge that we as a society are running wild with unbridled passions and lusts — doing whatever feels good to us, regardless of whether it’s right or wrong or harmful to anyone else?
Do we feed the lusts of our flesh — rather than feeding our souls and even more importantly our spiritual beings?
Sex was created for enjoyment, but we are not just sexual creatures. More importantly, we are spiritual creatures. When our spirits are being fed, our souls are nurtured and flourish, and our bodies, including our passions are fulfilled in a way that doesn’t imprison or harm anyone.