As I was wrestling through the events in my own life and an event that happened last night, a few more truths were revealed that I wanted to share. Enjoy or be challenged (in a good way).
When there is a battle within that you have not fought and won, you will always have a misapplication of that tension.
Because of that tension, you will fight battles that you were not called to fight or fight them in the wrong way. (For example battling parents, siblings, teachers, friends, etc…)
Even a lot of video games will give opportunity to reveal this battle. One of the main attractions to video games with continual battle scenes is the euphoria of feeling victorious.
We are called to be victorious, but we will make an idol of the fight — specifically the fake ones that provide us with relatively easy wins — when we feel that we can’t win the real battles.
Let me repeat that.
By taking easy wins, we hope to avoid the battles we feel we can’t win (the real ones).
One of the biggest obstructions to our healing is the fact that to heal from the pain, you often have to face the pain. You have to face the pain, acknowledge the hurt, recognize any lies that have attached themselves to the painful event, and then be willing to release the pain.
Especially guys won’t deal with pain because they feel that acknowledging it makes them weak.
Vulnerability feels like weakness.
Because many offenders have taken advantage of vulnerability to wound us, we become programmed to the lie that all vulnerability is dangerous because it equals weakness. The key here is the word all.
It takes great courage to face your own pain, sin, and finally be able to confront the lies that attach themselves to the pain. It takes courage to grieve the losses and the hurts. It takes courage to face the fears: fear of failure, fear of rejection, and fear of abandonment. It takes courage most of all to face your own failures and sins — your own wrong judgments.
It’s so much easier to see everyone else’s faults and to call them out. This is why we become hyper-sensitive to the weaknesses and mistakes of others. The root we have neglected to deal with is our own junk. We are using our own guilt to judge another as guilty.
At the root of judgmentalism is misplaced guilt or fear.
To walk free of the pain, you have to be willing to release it. Strangely enough, as much as we hate the pain, we often have a love-hate of it. Over time when pain is what we have always known, we begin to forge wrong identities and worth around our pain.
By mentioning the need to release pain, I am not saying we rush into this stage and that we are immediately ready to release it. I am not saying it’s your fault if you are feeling pain.
I am simply saying that at some point, you will need to release the pain in order to walk free from it.
I have had to leave some Facebook support groups for this very reason. It became obvious to me that by staying in that environment, I was constantly being dragged back into the muck. For a time, it was healthy to be able to recognize the pain and the reality of my experience; but staying there became unhealthy for my eventual growth and healing.
Can I encourage you with this: as much as it is painful to work towards your healing, healing is possible. It is possible to finally reach peace regarding your past.
Depending on where you are on your journey, I know that referring to healing can actually be painful to read.
I remember when I was nursing my first child, and I was dealing with constant pain from thrush and other issues. I remember when my mom tried to encourage me by saying that nursing can be such a bonding experience. Because of where I was at the time, I remember snapping at her. The thought of someone calling my experience “good,” when it was so painful at the time, was offensive to me. Over time, my body finally healed, my child and I made adjustments, and I finally did experience the bond that my mother had mentioned.
When we are in pain, it’s hard to see past our own pain to healing on the other side. In fact, when you are in pain, somehow healing and freedom sound like more pain. The promise of healing seems to emphasize all the more the reality of the pain with which you are presently dealing and the hopelessness you are feeling.
Try to be patient with yourself.
Healing is not typically instantaneous. There are stages to our healing and even layers to it.
Just know that your healing is worth the investment.