This is a sticky topic for a lot of Christians, but let’s talk about sex in marriage.
Christian women have been coming to me and asking me if they should give their husbands the sex they demand, even when it’s painful.
As I said to one wife, “The answer is simple when you understand the purpose of sex and ultimately the purpose for your marriage.”
1. Marriage, first of all, is a union.
This means that both spouses give of themselves in order to become one. You meld into something that is better and stronger. It does not mean you are giving up your gifts. It means you are bringing them to the marriage so that the union becomes stronger.
It is not a relationship between a lord and his servant. It is a union. A proper understanding of unity would resolve a lot of marital conflicts.
2. Marriage was created for the benefit of both and ultimately for the benefit of a much greater outreach.
This means that sex is for the benefit of both. It is a false concept that sex is just to benefit the husband. If a couple understands that sex is to be mutually beneficial, this may mean that at some times, one spouse must sacrifice his/her own personal desires for the benefit of the union. If sex has become painful for one spouse, not only should a trained physician be consulted and even a counselor if needed, but the other spouse should lovingly understand that this is their time to selflessly love.
3. The seeds of love, selflessness, and sacrifice that you are planting consistently will reap a harvest of equal measure.
Don’t plant in order to gain, but understand that you give in order to give. That’s the meaning of sacrificial love. Sacrificial love doesn’t give to receive. It gives from the abundance of love.
If you are sowing humility, meekness, love, patience, selflessness consistently, you will receive the fruit of this. Your marriage will be much sweeter!
I have intentionally kept this short. Much more can be said on this topic, but perhaps this is a start to bringing some clarity…