I awoke this morning and told my husband that I felt like I had become a checklist to people. I felt like I consisted of a checklist of boxes of things I had accomplished or had not, and that was the summation of me in the minds of others. (Note: feelings are not necessarily reality but indicate something that needs attention.)
This morning, I cried out to God, knowing this was an attack from the enemy of my soul to turn my focus on myself — to make me feel rejected, inferior, empty…
I told God straight up (no need to sugar-coat with Him): “God, I am feeling this attack again to believe the lies that I am not enough. S.O.S.!”
God’s response was a bit unexpected but brilliantly profound as always:
He asked me the question, “Am I enough?”
“What does that have to do with me not feeling like enough?”
The wisdom in His response was like a blinding flash!
The real issue behind me not feeling enough was that I am in essence not believing or living like He is enough.
When God is enough, there is no room for discontentment.
You can be in a prison, like Paul and Silas, and still be praising God, or…
You can be like my 91-year-old, adopted grandmother whom I drove several hours to visit yesterday. This woman has been a widow for close to 21 years. Her husband was a man who cherished his wife and treated her like a princess. (You know she misses him.) This woman is almost blind and almost deaf. She can’t drive anywhere. She can’t attend church. Hardly anyone visits her or remembers her. She doesn’t have any grandchildren. Most of her family has already died. Most of her friends have died. Yet, this woman knows the meaning of contentment. I was in awe over this woman who so kindly talked to my kids, who wore a continual smile on her face, who never spoke a single word of complaint over her circumstances. She was a woman fully content and at peace. …and I cry as I write these words.
This woman probably doesn’t match up to a lot of people’s checklists. She can’t do much of anything. She isn’t publishing books, speaking to large groups of women, playing with grandchildren, and being visited by hoards of people. She lives in a simple house, with simple decorations, wearing simple clothes, with a simple life, but this woman has learned the richest truths/treasures that so many of us haven’t or will never learn.
This woman has lived fully loved and loved fully. This woman has learned the secret of contentment. She doesn’t walk in fear, rejection, or complaining.
What is the secret of contentment?
It’s that He is enough.
So, back to God’s question again:
“Am I enough?”
The question isn’t whether I am enough; the question is whether He is enough.
God gave me these verses this morning that I am “soaking in”:
10 The young lions lack and suffer hunger;
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.
22 The Lord redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.