In The Shadows…

Shadow

(FreeImages.com/PetraStarke)

Ever felt like you are living in the shadows?

Something I have heard repeatedly in my mind is the line: “You are in the shadows.”  I believe that repeated thought was a lie from the enemy to get me to believe that I was inferior, insignificant, and overlooked. 

I remember when the lie first started.  Part of it happened when I had a best friend at age 12.  I remember when she gave me one of those Best Friend necklaces, where I had half of a heart, and she had the other.  Then, I remember not long after she gave me the necklace that I introduced her to a girl who had recently moved into her neighborhood.  I remember the pain of discovering they had become each other’s best friends.

The pain of rejection is something that you don’t easily forget.

I remember having birthday parties and my friends attending, but I remember the pain of feeling overlooked.  My older sister had a fun, outgoing personality, and my friends couldn’t help but like her.  My birthday party was spent with my friends hanging on to my sister’s every funny statement and her winning smile.  My sister didn’t mean anything by this; it just happened, but I felt forgotten and overlooked.  It was painful to know that the birthday girl could disappear, and no one would seem to care a whole lot.

I remember the time when someone said to me, “It must be hard to live in your sister’s shadow.”  And the time when a friend said (was meant as a compliment): “You are almost as pretty as your sister.”  Those statements stuck with me, and I began to believe that I was less than and in the shadows.  I concluded that God must not love me as much because He decided that I didn’t need as much charisma or to be as beautiful on the outside.  That was the beginning spiral of coming to resent who I was, how I was made, and added to the lies already in place that I wasn’t loved as much.

Fast forward a few decades, and God had done a lot of healing in my life, but there were still layers, and the old wounds of rejection could be a memory quickly resurrected.

I remember how not that long ago, I was sitting with friends, feeling those old lies of insecurity, knowing that I was not the central focus and taking the sideline position once again. The problem is I hadn’t chosen to stay on the sidelines because of loving others and being other-focused.  I was partially taking that position for that reason, but I was living the lies of insecurity, inferiority, and rejection once again.

God pulled me from that low place, and my focus was re-centered once again.  I was once again walking from a position of wholeness rather than brokenness.

As life goes, it doesn’t take long before a circumstance or person triggers a memory from the past, and we are quickly swept back into the feelings of rejection and inferiority. 

I wasn’t swept away in the avalanche of old patterns, but I knew that I had to replace the old lies with truth. 

This morning, I opened my Bible with the anticipation that God would minister to my aching heart.  I asked Him to speak to me where I am, and He did!

God began to answer the lie about shadows with the truth.  What He showed me is this:

“I am not set aside; I am set apart.”  He began to show me that “my situation is not about me being overlooked but about me being prepared.”  (Borrowing these quotes from Lysa TerKeurst in Uninvited.)

God keeps bringing John 3:30 back to my mind this year, and He did once again this morning.  What God was reminding me is that “when we decrease God has room to make big things happen.” (Borrowing these quotes from Lysa TerKeurst in Uninvited.)

God is preparing me for authentic ministry, and authentic ministry comes from a full place in God so that I don’t look to others within ministry to validate me.

Authentic ministry means I need to be God-aware and others-focused so that I don’t worry about me.  Until I get this, I cannot be in a place to adequately give to others.

Ministry isn’t about me receiving.  It’s about me giving.  I don’t need to receive from a ministry when I have entered into authentic ministry from a position of having been filled and being filled.  Out of that fullness or abundance flows life and love to others, and that is authentic ministry.

I have an entirely different perspective on the term “shadows” now.  Satan has been attempting to speak defeat into my ears.  God though is saying the sidelines is a good place to be if it means you have let God have the limelight. 

If I am constantly trying to step into the limelight, then it becomes not about me claiming my rightful place or showing others I have worth.  Rather, it’s me taking God’s place. 

This doesn’t mean I won’t ever be in the “limelight” physically, but within my soul, there must first be this bowing to the One greater than me — this realization that the limelight is not mine, but to stand there to bring Jesus into the limelight.

I let self take a shadowed or dying position so that Christ’s life in me can grow.  It’s the death of self.

The real me — the life and identity of Christ, uniquely represented in me — is what will grow and flourish and have room to breathe the more the false identity and false self dies.

I no longer need to fear the shadows because I have not been set aside but set apart to a significant and special calling!

God is helping me to live out the reality of the verse He gave me for this year:

John 3:30: “He must increase, but I must decrease.”

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