With permission, I wanted to share a powerful testimony from a good friend. This is her story:
When I was 13 years old, I was tormented at school. Bullying is what they call it now; but in the late 80’s, it wasn’t even noticed.
I rode the bus 45 minutes to and from school, and from the moment I stepped on that bus, the boys would start barking at me. Calling me a dog, hitting me, flicking rubber bands at me…and hitting my eye. Everyday I was tormented with these “mean” boys on the bus.
I guess if you looked at it from their perspective, I was an easy target. Short, curly hair (“brillo” they called me), big glasses, crooked teeth, and the most “uncool” wardrobe anyone at school had. I was socially a mess.
The entire 7th grade year went this way. I felt so rejected. ugly. unworthy. Fast forward into the high school years, and I finally figured how to fix my hair, got contacts, and some better clothes. I stopped getting teased. I started getting dates. But, inside I never felt good enough. I always felt like everyone around me was staring, laughing and judging me.
When a boy asked me out I always said yes, because I was in TOTAL shock those boys even noticed me. Granted….these weren’t boys from the Varsity team or even what was considered “good-looking,” but I was delighted to have a boy LIKE ME! Sooooo….fast forward into my adulthood.
Figured out how to “fit” in. I did all the “right’ things….hair, makeup, fashionable clothes. Worked hard for a great career of Interior Design. Was doing OK in the eyes of the world. But I could never get rid of this horrible feeling that I never, ever…EVER would fit in.
Compliments were painful; yet, I desired them like I need air. Even though I was a Christian, I wasn’t really walking Freedom. I always (and I mean ALWAYS) felt like someone was laughing at me. Pointing me out to judge. I was overly-sensitive. I was a wounded adult who still felt that no matter what she looked like or what she accomplished she. wasn’t. good. enough. I was mentally stuck…at 13. I’m 39 now, 40 in a few weeks.
Because of our MAGNIFICENT Lord, I do have freedom now!
At Encounter [a conference], I asked [a couple from the prayer team] to pray for me. I felt the Lord pressing me to dump this junk of self-hatred and to walk with Him in freedom.
Sobbing, I recalled specific stories to [a couple from the prayer team]. Pain rushed in like a tornado filling my heart with such angst that I cried from the depths of my soul. I wanted healing so badly, and my spiritual ears and heart were open. And then I heard the Lord calling me: “Daughter, you are beautiful. Daughter, you are mine. Daughter, you are perfect in my sight, washed clean in my eyes!” Then He showed me a white dove flying away. It was beautiful. And as prayer was poured upon me the truth set in!!! I finally GOT IT! I finally understood what my Identity in Christ REALLY IS!
I left that safe huddle of prayer and felt full. Redeemed. And LOVED. I no longer looked around the room, wondering if people were making fun of me!
What freedom to live when you only care about what GOD thinks of you!!!! THAT. IS. TRUE. FREEDOM! A week out from [the conference], and I still feel so complete. I go into stores now and could care less if anyone looks at me. I am the Lord’s little girl, and He loves me just the way I AM! Thanks for letting me share.