There was a time that I was unable to blog, as I mentioned in the blog: https://graceinthemoment.wordpress.com/2015/05/13/still-alive-living-abundantly.
At first, I was annoyed, then disappointed, then resigned, then accepting. I realized that when God takes something away, it’s always for a reason.
I realized the reason why I was so sad. I recognized that I was still trying to find my worth by “being somebody.” I was still trying to prove that I mattered — mattered because of what I did. I longed for people’s affirmation.
I was not living in my “identity” as His daughter — completely at rest in the all-encompassing, unconditional love of my Heavenly Father. (See my testimony regarding this: https://graceinthemoment.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/the-second-part-of-my-testimony-the-second-most-incredible-experience-of-my-life.)
God took away something that had become an idol in my life. Such is anything we pursue in order to find a sense of belonging and worth that is outside of God.
As a girl and young woman, my idol was getting married to a man who would make me feel like the most incredible gift ever. I actually did marry a man who did that as much as any human can do.
But, you can suck a person and a relationship dry if you seek to pull from it what only God can give.
As a new mother, I hoped to get that sense of worth by being a godly mother. I couldn’t wait to practice all of my teaching and ministry skills on my own kids. Somehow, I had this “Cinderella” idea that I could make my kids into perfect little “robots” of perfection. Silly, right?
When you idolize your kids, you tend to create unhealthy “soul ties” (heart connections) of co-dependency and attempt to control and unconsciously prevent your children from “flying” independently. The opposite is also true, you resent and “reject” your kids because they become “symbols of your failure.”
I struggled with resenting my kids at times because they had a way of demonstrating their worst moments in front of people. Some of these people made me feel even more like a failure. I responded to my own personal feelings of failure and to the outside negativity by exerting even more pressure on my kids to be little models of perfection. It was a set-up for failure.
Poor little people! I was expecting them to do the impossible, and I was perpetuating the lies of performance-based worth.
I love what the book, Glimpses of Grace, by Gloria Furman says about this. She says:
“When we immortalize the material and elevate it to the highest good, we set up idols to worship and pay homage to. This can happen when we attach our reason for being to our current role in life — even roles like being a mother or housewife.
…Do you serve your image of a good mother?
…When we’re tempted to either despise our everyday lives or worship our everyday lives, we need to remember what Paul said in Romans 12:1-2…”
God does want us to serve with gladness. He wants us to enjoy the gifts He has given us: marriage, children, homes, talents, strengths, clothing, food, friends… They are all good gifts, for which we can and should be thankful.
Our worth and God’s love though is completely independent from our performance, possessions, and abilities.
I like what Glimpses of Grace says in relationship to service within the home:
“Living your everyday life for God’s sake is spiritual worship. …Seeing the brilliance of the cross and embracing its message are at the core of how God wants to work in our mundane to bring glory to Himself.
…When we are engaged in seeing and savoring the beauty of Jesus, the vain things that charm us most fade away into the distance.”
How do we keep from idolizing the blessings/the gifts from superseding the Blesser in our life?
Glimpses of Grace says,
“…when we say the ‘gift of God’, we are actually saying the gift is God Himself. God is good. And He said, ‘I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name The Lord’… He is the ultimate Good.
…rejoicing in the Lord’s faithfulness to His name.”
Let’s not forget that as wonderful as our blessings are, they are merely a “star” in the vast “universe” of Who God is!
It will take an eternity to be able to receive all the overflowing abundant goodness of His love towards us and of Who He is!