I’ve been thinking about sounds… Sounds fill my world from sun up to sun down and in between as well. Some days, I feel that I am hearing a constant cacophony of sound. The sounds aren’t always peaceful. I want to imagine that my world is full of peaceful, harmonious sounds. I want to dream that I smile and laugh all day, that my kids smile and laugh all day, that my husband smiles and laughs all day, that my world smiles and laughs all day. Some of the sounds though are discordant. I want to squelch those sounds. I want to just dispose of all that is unpleasant. I don’t want reminders that this world can be ugly at times.
I start to become depressed. My feelings are telling me that I am ineffective, unimportant. So much deafening noise — noise surrounding me but mostly noise inside me, the noise of defeat.
There are sounds everywhere. I can hear sounds even in the stillness. I can hear the joyful sounds of children playing and laughing or babies giggling. I can hear the sounds of a friend’s voice — one I haven’t spoken with in years. Pleasant sounds! I can hear my husband coming home — relief always comes with that sound! I can hear the song of grace, whispering to me or crashing into a wild crescendo of unrestrained joy.
In recent days, I have heard mostly the discordant sounds. Children fighting. Angry words. Irritable thoughts. I wish I could just curl up and close myself off for a few days. That’s not happening though when you’re a mom and wife. God asks me to keep playing the music, even in my weakness, in the dissonance.
…keep playing the music.
I don’t have poetic words of beauty or profound words of wisdom in these moments. I do know though that regardless of my ability to hear it at the time, life’s music is playing all around.
My life is writing a symphony, directed by the Maestro of my soul. Each part of my day plays a musical score. There are the deep bass notes but running alongside and trilling above are also the accompanying high notes. The music swirls, ebbs, and rises again. What music do I choose to hear? What music is my life playing?
The conductor of my soul directs. Do I follow? What is the music of my soul?
The beauty is not in the weakness. The beauty is found in playing His music even in my weakness. I may feel inadequate, defeated.
I may not see how the musical score of my day plays into the symphony of my life, but every sound my soul makes is its own musical score.
When I follow the Maestro of my soul, the music is harmonious, glorious, melodious. When I refuse to accept defeat, to be silenced/when I play on, the musical score of grace soars, harmonizes, creates beauty within my life.
My weak soul waits, watches, follows, and hears the musical score, ponders its grace, and plays on. What is the symphony of my soul?