There are so many days in the life of a mom where I get “lost” or buried under my piles of negative thoughts, feelings, and even actions at times. Times when I allow myself to wallow in feelings of pity and irritation because mud was just tracked across my clean floor again! My dishwasher broke down so now I have piles of dishes — either clean or dirty sitting on my counters. Because my wash machine broke, and I am going to run out of clean underwear within a day. My boys’ wild energy is driving me crazy. The boys have diarrhea and keep leaving and making disgusting messes. My husband is working late and helping an elderly lady so I don’t have his help with putting the boys to bed. I should be thankful — thankful that my husband works so hard and is thoughtful like that. Why do I choose the ways of darkness at times: choosing anger, whining, irritation, impatience rather than the paths of light: gratefulness, compassion, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, and love?
Why do I see the “earthiness” of motherhood? The poopy underwear, muddy floors, dirty diapers, dirty windows, broken appliances, inconveniences of life? Why do I choose such ways of defeat and darkness? Why do I focus on the past — that which is dead? Instead, I should focus on the gift of the present: God’s grace to overcome defeat, darkness, and death!
Motherhood is “heavenly”, “eternal”, “supernatural” in its ramifications! Why do I not see that in wiping dirty bottoms, cleaning refuse and mud, I am meeting a more eternal purpose? The end result is not a clean child and house! It is not even having a happy child! It is not having a happy, fulfilled, or stress-less life!
Instead of focusing on the physical mud and dirt, I need to clean the “mud” from my heart and thoughts — the parts of me that I have not allowed God’s grace to “clean.” Instead of looking through the cloudy/finger-smudged windows, I need to realize that it is really my spiritual “sight” that is dimmed.
This life is physical, but it is also so much more! There is a spiritual life being lived at the same time — with far greater impact; for it is eternal!
Lord, clean the dirty “panes” of my soul, clean the refuse of old sinful habits and attitudes from my heart. It is your grace I need to flood this heart of mine and to make it what it ought to be.