Last week, I was reading to the boys the Bible story about when Jesus fed the 5,000. What really impressed me was that God took a little boy and his little lunch and then fed a lot of people with a lot of food. God took what little that was given to Him and made something big from it. As I was reading this, truths from this lesson started to sink in. As I began to share with the boys my thoughts, I found my eyes filling with tears and my voice choking a bit. I couldn’t help but think that God takes what little we have to give Him and transforms it into something “big”.
Do you ever feel like you don’t have much to give Him — that you are such an incomplete and imperfect vessel that you don’t have much to offer Him? That’s how I feel so many times. I am so aware of my inadequacies and failings as a Mom. I am so aware of how many times I don’t know how to explain something to the boys in this perfectly-worded way. I stumble over my words, I am impatient at times — maybe more like many times, I am not always perfectly content or grateful with my beautiful family and home, I don’t always smile or remember to laugh with the boys instead of fuss at them. Motherhood has served to reveal my many imperfections. It’s been my hardest job ever — my most humbling job. Before becoming a mother, I could impress almost everyone with having it “all together.” In spite of its challenges, I am so grateful for the gift of motherhood. Not just because of my precious children and their ability to forgive me and to be patient with me but because God has used motherhood to bring me to the place where I have been humbled and know more than ever that I need God — that I can’t do this on my own. As I have said to so many ladies with complete sincerity, “Any good you see is only — truly only — by God’s grace!” I am so thankful — so very thankful — that God has taken my attempts to be a good mother and will use those attempts in much bigger ways than I can foresee. God just asks me to give Him the “little” I have to Him and to trust Him with the outcome.
Here I am, stretching forth my hands timidly to Him, with my small “lunch.” Jesus looks at me with eyes of clarity and wisdom and love and acceptance and forgiveness. With His own special and gentle smile, He takes my basket from me. There is no hesitation on His part, measuring the worthiness of my gift. There is no look or words of disappointment issuing from His lips. There is just a smile of complete love and grace and could it be even gratefulness? Gratefulness that I have trusted Him with what little I have — everything that ultimately first came from Him?
As I explained to my boys, you offer to God your little sweet hands and little words and little hearts, and He will use them for something big!
I also think that His grace is in direct proportion to our view of our own selves. The more we know we rely on Him and are aware of our great need for Him, the greater is His grace poured out upon us.