Will has been wanting to ride on a rocking horse in our attic. I took him to ride on it today. He also wanted his daddy to take him for a ride on it. This evening, I reminded Jonathan of Will’s desire by spelling out the word “R-I-D-E.” I didn’t want Drew to overhear and then be sad that Daddy and Will were having special time without him. Will picked up on my spelling and then said, “Will you take me to A-B-C-E?” (As a follow up, Jonathan showed Will the letters of the alphabet to remind him of their order and that we were spelling words. I reminded him that we use words to talk and that the letters spell the words.)
Yesterday and continuing into today, Son-D has been wanting to sit on the potty before bed. He says, “I go potty.” Too bad it’s too cold to let him run around in nothing but Pull-ups.
Yesterday while I was rocking Drew and we were watching Jonathan fix our dryer, Drew said in reaction to the vacuum cleaner’s noise, “That scares me!” Another word he said that I didn’t know he understood was, “My cup is empty.” Empty?!!
Yesterday while I was discussing with my son the importance of obeying and also that Jesus died for our sins, my son said, “Obedience won’t save me.” I said, “That’s right. It won’t save you — that’s why Jesus died.” I then reminded him of why we should obey. I also told him again that Mommy disobeyed her parents and proceeded to my salvation experience with him.
People warned me that the three’s can be a difficult age — harder than the two’s often. I didn’t know what to expect until now. I also remember seeing other people’s kids act up in stores and think, “If they were my kids, I would discipline them more, and they wouldn’t act like that. The parents must be doing something wrong for their kids to act like that. The parents probably need to be more firm or consistent.” Well, guess what? I don’t think that way anymore, unless it’s obvious that the parents aren’t handling a situation correctly.
Have you ever felt like you wanted to simply disappear into the floor? Have you ever wished that the child whining or throwing a temper tantrum was someone else’s? Have you ever watched someone else’s kid throw a temper tantrum and be glad it’s not your child? Yes. Yes. Yes.
I am starting to wonder if Helen Keller II has come to stay with us. Not a pretty picture and certainly not enjoyable or appropriate. I am finding out first hand that you can discipline a child repeatedly, and if they are determined enough to do their own thing, they will persist until you begin to wonder… How can the same child who seems to have no ability to pick up toys be the same child who has enough energy to resist any boundaries that have been established. Okay, yes it’s nice to know that my child will probably be a great leader in the future. It’s also encouraging to know that I am doing as God has commanded so requiring obedience is necessary. Yes, I also know I am not perfect so there are ways that I can improve — be more patient — even when I have had to deal with hours of disciplining the same child over repeated offenses. It’s easy to be loving and patient when you have had to deal with the same offense a couple of times. Day after day, hour after hour, sometimes minute after minute, dealing with the same sinful behaviors leaves a parent — me — exhausted, shaky, and frustrated.
This morning, I cried out to God, saying, “God, they’re your kids. You made them. You know that I am not perfect. You are going to have to help me. Because I am getting tired of dealing with these cycles of disobedience.”
One thing for sure, parenthood is a lesson in humility. When I was single, my life seemed wonderful. It was “easy” and “uneventful,” but since becoming a wife and more than that a mother, I have discovered my own imperfections and inability to control situations the way I would prefer. I think that is what frustrates me the most — the inability to control my kids to the extent that they behave at all times like miniature adults. I know, you are probably laughing… perhaps because you can relate to your own similar experiences or because you know how futile such an endeavor is with the “difficult” child. I also realize that I cannot do this on my own strength.
My prayer is for a heart change with my kid(s) and for extra grace and forbearance and love and patience… in the raising of my kids. God gave them to me — not to other parents that I might think could do a better job with my kids. Knowing that, I know that some how, some way, this too shall become something good in our lives because God is in control.
If you think of us, please pray for our boys to understand their need for a Savior and to desire to obey the Lord. Pray for my husband and I to persevere — even when we don’t see any positive results — and to love our kids unconditionally. Pray for extra grace and a good dose of patience. Pray for me to rely on God’s strength to be the parent that He wants me to be.
During yesterday’s supper, Jonathan asked Will what he was doing “walking” his feet up Jonathan’s legs. Will said, “They are saying hi.” A little bit later, Will put his feet on Jonathan’s lap and said that his feet were sleeping.